Since we were kids we've been hearing about sex. So much of our entertainment has been geared around sex and for men it is often framed in terms of the ultimate conquest. Using hunting or sports comparisons men from a very young age are conditioned to view sex not so much as something that takes place between two people but something that one person needs to accomplish that requires the presence of another.
It's a difficult mindset to break down and reform but as times change and so much of what were once social norms are being deconstructed, sex is at the forefront of things that need a serious makeover. Fortunately that doesn't have to be a painful change. In all honesty revamping the basic ideas that many men have towards sex will improve the experience for everyone involved. So let's approach a little sexual 101 from the mental standpoint as well as the physical.
First and foremost embrace and understand the fact that your partner is an equally invested part of the equation. They are not an object that is used during the process. They have wants and desires and the goal of pleasure as well as you do. Before anything physical even takes place between you, the way that you communicate and speak needs to reflect a level of respect and a genuine interest in pleasure beyond your own. Creating an environment of consent, safety and common decency goes a long way in setting the proper environment for intimacy.
Even when you have made plans and the time has come for physical interaction there needs to be a reminder that sex is not a race to the finish line. Statistically speaking there is a certain amount of time a woman's body needs attention and stimulation before sexual intercourse is ready to take place. Studies range from 15 - 20 mins to reach full arousal in women. In other words, slow down. Make the goal of setting the mood for your partner as high a priority as your own pleasure. Focus on your partner's body in totality. A great way to accomplish this is through massage therapy. Explore and appreciate the body of your partner while creating a space of relaxation and trust.
Just like you turn to trainers to aid in your physical fitness, there are quite a few sex coaches that are worth looking into for more insight in these intimate matters. Ms. Tyomi Morgan, an expert in various fields of sexuality, has gone into great detail about this topic within her various media appearances as well as in her exclusively targeted teaching content.
If you're open to making a few changes in the bedroom, check out Scotch Porter's #SPWellness Moment Sex Talk with Tyomi.
Written By Lola Lepaon