Tricks Are For Kids: 7 Ways To Know If You’re Too Old For Halloween

As Halloween approaches, you might be wondering if you’ve aged out of trick-or-treating. Honestly, if you have to ask yourself that question, you probably already know the answer: you too grown (as my mom would say). In some states, doorbell-ringers above the age of 12 could get locked up like Akon. And to quote rapper and philosopher Trick Daddy: “Trick love the kids.” Emphasis on “the kids.”

But if you’re still doubtful your candy-seeking days are behind you, here are some surefire tips on how to tell.

  1. If you know who Lil' Kim is, you may be too old.
  2. If you have to hire a sitter so you can go out, it’s time to give up the ghost. What about taking the kids trick-or-treating instead?
  3. If you’re concerned about your blood sugar and cavities, you should stay home.
  4. If you know what time Usher was in the drop top cruising the streets, you're old AF.
  5. Have you recently met someone in a highly-skilled position like a pilot, a nurse, or a teacher and thought they looked really young? It’s not them. It’s you. Don’t even think about picking up that pumpkin pail. And you should also feel sufficiently creeped out about dressing as a “sexy” version of them.
  6. If you know who created Facebook, you’re definitely too old.
  7. If you take a multivitamin and it’s not shaped like Fred Flinstone, yabba dabba don’t let me catch you trick or treating.